08 11 / 2013
I was in a supermarket, apparently being filmed for a UK version of Extreme Couponing. I was at the checkout, with trolleys full of stuff that I didn’t need, but was buying because it was on special offer, and the lady at the till kept ringing it all up wrongly so my coupons wouldn’t work.
Eventually, she got it all right, and I presented my final coupon - a cardboard elephant shaped coupon which slotted into a special hole in the till. As she slotted it in, bells rang, alarms went off, and fireworks shot out of the top of the till. Balloons and streamers fell from the ceiling.
Suddenly, a nearby door opened, and Noel Fielding leaped out, with his arm waving out in front of his face like an elephant’s trunk. He danced around the till area, being an elephant, and singing Nellie the Elephant, as the music from Nellie the Elephant played very loudly. Several rainbow coloured unicorns (actual unicorns, not people dressed up), with sparkly manes and glass horns also came through the door and pranced around behind him. All the staff and customers joined in with the singing and dancing, all waving their arms like elephants’ trunks.
I heard someone calling my name, and woke up.
05 11 / 2013
I was driving along a country road, all green and leafy. As i reached my destination, there were several sandy car parks, I parked the car, and walked towards a very austere looking modern church. I was there to attend a funeral. I don’t know whose.
There were two groups of guests, one group wearing normal clothes, not black clothes, like me. Another group very overdressed in Victorian black funeral clothes. We were all standing around in the scrubby, sandy area at the front of the church. There were small dark red snakes in amongst the bushes. An orange five headed snake was slithering around, and people were moving away from it, but basically not taking much notice of it.
We all went in, and it was very cramped. I was sitting between two people that I used to go to school with. A very slim lady with neat straight hair called Linda, and a tall, somewhat geeky man with dark hair and glasses called Peter. Peter was looking unwell, and holding an airline sick bag.
On the back of the pews in front of us, on the shelf, instead of prayer and hymn books, lots of straw was scattered.
Suddenly the five headed snake started slithering along in the straw in front of me. It was looking around with all it’s heads in all different directions. I said ‘Oh, I’ll take it outside’. So I carefully picked it up, and pushed open the door, and set it down amongst the nearby bushes. It turned black and slithered away. When I turned around, the church was gone, and I could see my car alone in the nearby car park.
17 10 / 2013
Why does cat food come in flavours like lamb, rabbit, and fish? When realistically, if left to fend for themselves, cats would more likely be eating rat, mouse, and bird…